Picture this: The man you've had your eye on for what seems like forever, finally DM-ed you and you are FREAKING OUT!
Your feel the sparks ignite with great intensity- he is the man of your dreams! You can barely tone down the internal chatter for a second to reply to him. Through the back and forth, you find yourself responding to all his texts immediately, and that is what you do every single time he texts. The more eager you get...
The faster he seems to want to run away.
Let's call him Usain.
Usain, who was once a sweet, loving, charming man- and by 'once' I mean literally a week ago- is now Bolting frequently while also maybe tossing a few crumbs every now and then. The more Usain distances himself, the more you are triggered into chasing him and...
*sigh*
You then blame Usain for ghosting you, and your abandonment issues get progressively worse with each man like Usain. It feels like suddenly there are no good men left in the world who want an honest, loving relationship, doesn't it?
Ladies, let me just tell you- it's not always on the man.
I am not going to sit here and talk trash about Usain or judge his character, because we don't know anything about him. However, I will tell you that you literally chased him away.
You must understand that nothing- on the entire planet- is worth putting on a pedestal if it plays with your self esteem. What you should've done in a situation like this is let Usain come to you first. It is not about making a man work for you just to feed your ego, but understand that it is not only him choosing you, but also you choosing him.
This can happen with all men, but especially handsome men or men in a position of social power may often automatically influence you into subconsciously forming a mental image of their character that is usually much higher than what the man has yet shown (or is at all), before judging them in real life. That does not mean that this man is not a good man, but simply that a woman can start living a fantasy life with him long before he even approaches her, and function according to that rather than according to reality. When we go off of that perfect mental image, we are unable to come to terms with the fact that we might be moving too fast or doing too much, or even doing the man's job for him.
And remember, there can only be one pursuer in a relationship.
In a situation like this, you must remember to not reply to Usain's texts immediately, to begin with. It's not about playing a game or playing hard to get. Playing hard to get or putting up any act, for that matter, will constantly agitate you on the inside. You can try to 'keep it together' and act distant while actually burning up for him on the inside, but this agitation will come out in sudden bursts later which won't be pretty. Moreover, any man with a decent brain will see right through your act. We want to form an honest relationship here, with your heart simply authentically open to a man, and for that, we must search it to find what we truly want, first, no matter how rare we think that is. And therefore, we must never sit with our phones constantly in our hands, anticipating Usain's text every second, and only get back to him when we can.
Only then can we learn what kind of a man he truly is.
But what if he is still bread-crumbing even after you've been refraining from a pursuit?
That's when you get turned off and walk away.
We are not here to bend a man backwards to make him walk on our path, but simply to find the one already on it.
As I talked about in my previous blogpost, you, woman, are spiritually a portal to either heaven or hell for both you and your spiritual partner. You can either choose to reward his behavior or simply ignore his existence. This is where your feminine instincts kick in. This is where, instead of playing hard to get, you can understand yourself better and judge what makes you feel good and what makes you feel icky.
Instead of chasing a man when he distances himself, you must quit seeing your dad-who-left-you in him and simply stop in your tracks immediately.
You are the egg and he is the sperm. He pursues you.
You must constantly practice patience, and return to your flowing feminine essence.
You can simply move on with your life at this point.
But what if you're in a relationship with him? You can't just 'simply move on with your life' in that scenario and ignore his existence, right?
This is just my personal opinion and can be different for everyone, but nothing is worth separating with your partner or abandoning him immediately unless you feel unsafe in your relationship (i.e. threat to life, physical abuse, anger issues, etc.) or are being cheated on.
Getting turned off does not mean leaving your partner but simply deciding through your body rather than your rational brain. Tell me, which one truly feels good to you- being coldly addressed every once in a while, or receiving pure abundant energy and love? Most of us would choose the latter.
In that moment, you must simply stop thinking about what the man is not giving you and ask yourself what you feel like doing. Do you want to paint? Garden? Go shopping? DO IT! Do everything you have been putting off doing and everyone you have been putting off meeting because you were so focused on your partner. It could work not only as a placebo effect where it's just you thinking that the man is not giving you what you want because you are constantly fixated on him all the time, but also as him feeling your energy on him constantly and wanting to pull away. It is up to your body and your intuition to decide which one it is.
Go live your beautiful life because you have 100 other things to do! Be in your playful, girly energy, and wait for the man to step into his masculine role patiently. This, however, requires opening your heart and expressing your feelings, and remember your feelings don't always have to be good and positive. Being submissive does not mean being a doormat and never expressing distaste. This may take multiple tries, go for as many tries as it takes, and always make sure to be warm.
It could either make him pursue you or agitate him- relationship or not- when you start asserting your boundaries, especially if you're someone who has never had boundaries before, or if he's someone who has never been with someone who had healthy boundaries. Judging, dissecting, and analyzing the man's mind is not your job. You must always remember to be firm because you are not only showing him but also the Universe how you want to be treated. What you choose to settle for is what you deserve, and that's what the Universe will send you more of. If you're okay with a man who is in his feminine energy, who never pursues you with the burning fires inside him, not only will it force you to fill the gap by taking charge of the relationship, but also invite more cold energy towards you.
You are the cold, still waters taking his hot pursuit, woman, not the other way round.
However, some women are not just okay with this, but actively want a relationship where they pursue and give to the man, and that is great if that's a conscious path they are taking. But if that's not what you want, it may be time to reconsider the parallel between the life you want and the one you are heading down to.
Know your triggers and know when your body is completely turned off even if your mind argues over how much you feel for him.
Understand that getting rejected or rejecting someone does not always mean you or the man are not worthy, but simply that you both have different paths in life.
That is maturity. That is growth.
Love,
Sam
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