Today seems like a great day to throw it back to when I was a kid, and this is something I used to be embarrassed to tell people.
I used to strip my Barbie dolls and put them in a fragrant 'spa bowl'.
And the worst part is, I was embarrassed of the 'doll' part, not the 'spa' part.
As a child I was into makeup, clothes, and dancing. Despite that, I turned out to be a rebellious teenager and had a strange punk phase, so naturally, I was afraid to tell people I was into feminine things like dolls. Dolls in a spa was high school Sam's equivalent of throwing a pillow into a cookie mold and hibernating in it. As someone who was trying so hard to be unique and original but was using all the wrong ways to do so, it was severely draining. Not only was I constantly wanting to get away from a mold that I naturally fit in, but in the process trying too hard to fit into another, which is arguably even more toxic.
I am a social butterfly, and from all the personal conversations I've had with people, I observed that regardless of whether their childhood experiences were positive or not, the joy that they experienced while practicing their hobbies and favorite leisure activities as a child truly reflected in their speech. That made me realize, no matter how much we change and learn and grow in life, our core is ultimately established since the day we were born, we are just too busy being a small child to notice it .
Does that mean I want to be a spa specialist? Absolutely not. But it does mean that I am into fancy things, being pampered, taking out some extra time to nurture myself, beauty, fashion, and I definitely prioritize relaxation after a busy week. Turns out, that is actually what makes me happy today, even after trying to run from it for years. Moreover, that won't be the case with every woman, or even boys and men. Femininity to masculinity is a spectrum regardless of gender and I just happen to be a woman fitting in the former end of it.
And if you are someone like me, welcome sister. Let's talk about shoes and clothes and care and growth and empowerment and how men and women are complimentary not opposites…
That is a whole different discussion, so coming back-
A person goes through a million phases throughout their existence. What you like today might not be what you like tomorrow, literally. Sometimes the changes are so rapid, you question your own integrity, commitment, and decision making skills. But the fact is, there is no constant, and there is not a single version of you except in the moment.
A majority of us would agree that one of the most draining things in life is either not having a purpose, or not knowing what yours is. One can be excelling in a variety of things yet not truly content with any of them simply because they don't feel natural. Not to mention, finding that out is a problem in itself because it's not always possible to try out every field or hobby or skill and see if you like it, like in most cases trial and error is usually not the best way to go. It's time consuming and not very efficient.
In that scenario, I would suggests you to think about what you loved as a child. If you were someone like me who spontaneously wrote a sub average 74 page book in two nights at some point, try something that involves brainstorming, articulating thoughts, sharing ideas, or writing. Similarly, someone who is into dancing, might not always want to be a dancer, but could be passionate about activities that involve expressing with their body, like modelling, acting, anchoring, being the face of something, etc. Everything in this world is interdependent and correlated, and most of these things will fit into multiple other categories.
But that brings me to my next point: details and minor personality traits matter just as much. Contentment does not always come from what you do to earn money, but also whether you are letting yourself be who you truly are, granted, of course, it doesn't harm others. If you are athletic but you'd rather be a cheerleader than a sportswoman, do it. If your three favorite hobbies are cooking, baking, and sewing, instead of talking about politics, partying, or travelling, nobody is stopping you. If you want to take up that pastry chef job in a cute bakery over that exotic butcher job that everybody wants, do it. I don't know anyone who wants an exotic butcher job, but that ain't gonna be you either honey.
To whoever says that femininity is weak, I'd like to say that it's only powerful enough to make a big masculine guy go absolutely speechless when a lady pushes her hair behind her ears with her dainty polished hands, or as little as looks at him a certain way.
What's incredibly bonkers is the concept of wanting to get away from that power when you naturally posses it, to pursue something that will drain you out and won't keep you happy in the long run.
Being original does not mean that you have to be different from everybody in the whole world or you have to avoid fitting into a stereotype, because that is literally impossible. Everybody is stereotypical in varying degrees, and everybody most likely fits into some sort of a group. In a population of several billions, one can't possibly be the only different person. One's uniqueness is relative to their geographical location, profession, culture, and other similar factors.
I like to think that every successful person is acing in their own community or niche, along with acing in general. For example, Apple is unique and doing great in the technological industry, apart from being a big company in general. Their uniqueness reflects due to them being different, along with their impeccable efforts. But you cannot compare the uniqueness of Apple to that of, let's say, a big fast food chain.
Similarly, being fulfilled means striving to be the best with what your own positive and/or harmless traits as a person are, and continuing to add to it, while picking up new skills and talents. If you're trying to avoid being like 'other girls', you need to stop trying, because it's most likely getting you nowhere since not every girl is the same, and 'female' isn't a personality type, it's a gender. And if by 'other girls' you mean femininity (which is not the same as simply being a girl) and you have to try so hard to get away from it, you're most likely naturally feminine, so it's going to backfire at some point.
And I know, because I was that person at one point.
I absolutely celebrate any woman who isn't naturally feminine, or any man who isn't naturally masculine. I know a lot of women who are less feminine than others, but even though I have amazing relationships with all of them, I was never able to relate to them. Not to mention I'm not only feminine, but also traditional in a lot of ways and modern in others, which leaves an even smaller window for me. And that's okay, because that is what truly makes one unique, their entire composition, because you are most likely not exactly the same as someone you know. That is one of the most beautiful things about being you.
You may not be a bird who can fly but you're a fish who can swim, and birds can't do that.
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