So You Can't Flirt, Huh?

I recently saw this post on Instagram that said "Genuinely forgotten how to flirt. Calling people 'bro' isn't getting me far" and I think that is a fairly valid concern.

Even if you were born with a golden-tongue or literally write for a living, I'm sure you've found yourself at a loss for words when trying to come up with something charming in hopes of wooing a man. I reflected upon the reasons for that and howdy perception on it has dramatically changed for better.

One concrete thing that we must get out of the way right in the beginning, is that striving to somehow 'woo' a man is never going to get you a worthy man. It puts you in the position of a pursuer, a role that you want your man to fulfill. A male partner you have gained through pursuit would often not let you slip into a passive role probably ever.

This also, naturally, means that if you wish for a man to flirt with you and sweep you off your feet, you absolutely cannot play the role of an admirer while hoping to be courted.

So does that mean we must never attempt to do anything nice for a man, ever?

That is absolutely not how it works.

It only sets the tone for the dynamic between both the partners, and you'd most likely attract and end up choosing a masculine man by copiously rejecting more passive men.

I have gone out of my way to be the giver for men I had only been seeing for a few weeks. These included elaborate displays of affection through gifts, cooking, forcing myself to aggrandize the things I said etc. for people whom, I now realize, I didn't even feel for that much. Of course I could string a few phrases together to make something sound relatively romantic but it never felt charming or flirty enough for whatever reason. I was straining my brain and trying to create a 'fun' personality that wasn't even mine.

In the midst of all of that, I forgot to ask myself whether I even liked the men or deemed them worthy on the basis of their actions.

I spent so much time on doing that I had no time or space for feeling.

In reality, I was just trying to prove a non-existent point- that I knew how to be romantic. I was trying to prove that I absolutely did not have the personality of a piece of cardboard and that I could be 'cool'... whatever that means.

Two key aspects of the female path are passivity and feeling. Passivity does not mean we must bow down to just about anyone, but judging the world from the eyes of a mere observer, eventually noticing what we feel in our body after each influence we receive, and often refraining from forming opinions on the basis of pre-conceived notions. This simple progression to a state of 'letting go' not only puts us in the role of a receiver, but also helps us ease the agitation that we feel while doing too much (which usually attracts passive men).

This also cultivates subtlety in us, which brings more intricacy and refinement in our observations over time.

We notice the minor changes in our body and gut which helps us communicate to a man how he makes us feel. These intricate, emotionally-perceived and bodily-oriented details are often missed by the male brain, which is scientifically proven to be more technical and analytical.

Therefore, we invite a man to our beautiful, feminine world by letting him know what he does to our body!

I do not mean this in a sexual way (I mean... it could be...), but when your heart 'flutters', or you feel 'butterflies' in your stomach, when your cheeks 'heat up' or when your fingertips 'tingle'- they are all bodily sensations. You can physically see a man's chest puff up and watch him stand straighter with his head held up high when you tell him how wonderful he makes you feel. You could watch him act and be more 'serious' and 'proud' and 'manly' when he's around you, all without you nagging him into acting like it. The next thing you know, he's holding your hand every time you cross the road!

And that is what we want.

We not only want our men to take care of us, but we must also keep letting them know how good they are at it. We must keep showing them how much we treasure and want them.

And it must always be real, from the depths of your heart, without the need for making up colorful sentences.

It often works in the best interest of both the people if this is maintained at all times, however, once you have chosen your man and you get into a relationship, or even when you start developing a deeper connection, you must act upon the romantic impulses you have. These impulses include making flirty jokes (or jokes in general), physical 'play', etc.

It is important to know that comedy itself puts you in a dominant position by the virtue of inducing laughter at a subject and putting the subject in a place of submission, where they often laugh at themselves. There is always that one (or more) person in a group who dominates the entire group by poking fun at others. If it is well received and people laugh at their jokes, they are automatically put on a subconscious pedestal. If you like doing that on purpose and you like putting effort into it, by all means, go ahead. But often times, it could put you in a position of giving, striving or 'doing too much' rather than receiving, and it depletes you of beauty and vitality over time. However, if the jokes come on their own, that's merely you acting on impulse and working through your 'will'. This discernment through which you can distinguish one from the other comes with time through the method of passive observation mentioned above.

My point is- as a woman, if you're functioning through your purified intuition, you would only reward a man when you truly deem him worthy, which brings me to my final observation.

You often can't flirt with certain people because you don't want to.

Would you really want to whisper sweet nothings to the man who has the brain of a goldfish? Or to the man whose breath smells from 5 feet away?

Biological females of most species have a libido that is wired to choose the strongest mate. Women are प्रकृति or nature that is a vessel for natural selection. Unfortunately, a lot of human females' brains are emotionally charged by childhood trauma... which is a whole different topic.

So my ultimate question is,

In what world would you want to naturally select Creepy McCreeperson out of literally all the men in the entire world?

I know, right?

It is natural and even preferable that your flirty, sexual instincts don't arise with a man who is merely a sweet talker and is likely to ghost you after 3 conversations.

Ultimately, the choice is yours.

But one thing is for sure, when you know, you know.

Love,

Sam