"It's not that serious, Sam." Oh but it is.
What encouraged me to write this blog post, you ask? Frustration and acceptance.
In a world requiring a gazillion choices to be made every day, until a few months ago, I used to constantly rationalize every single thing like Chidi for The Good Place. I was weighing down my options according to what, why, when, where, often, making pro-cons lists, even- I've done it all. I'd been thrashing against my own will to fit into what would make me more 'presentable', until I realized something crucial.
It is not our brain that should make our aesthetic choices, but our libido.
The biggest lie in the world is that one doesn't dress for other people. The only way that would happen is if you decide to live alone in a cave forever. However, that does not mean we must completely forget our own individuality and try to make guesses on what our potential love interest/network circle would like us to be.
Your gut is always talking to you, you just have to be receptive to its opinion. Your gut and libido are who you truly are and what you truly like, without outer influences, peer pressure, or societal pressure. Your libido is not only your sexual drive but everything that leads to a juicy, colorful, fulfilled life. It makes all our carnal choices for us. It should be given the reigns to choose whom we decide to let in and get married to for a fulfilling life. It must choose what we do with our lives in terms of career, residence, etc., for it knows where our true happiness lies- what makes us overflow with true nourishment in our unique paths. Rationalizing might not get you exactly as high as your intuition does.
Our libido is never wrong since it is our unique being- our literal fantasy (sexual or not)- and by definition cannot be wrong or right for it is simply the truth that cannot be changed. You like what you like. Following it in terms of more rational choices leads to acceptance of the entirety of our being by us as well as by the people that are 'right' for us in any aspect. Being true to your own libido not only sets you free, but is also magnetic to those who are attracted to who you truly are, as well as the masses of people who are subconsciously attracted to the truth- they see it in you when they see you.
For that reason, our fashion, beauty, and aesthetic choices, or even social media profiles (if you care about them) are not just some unimportant, shallow aspects of life. They materialize our ideas, desires, beliefs, etc. with us as the vessel. Whether you decide to dress modestly or not, wear bright colors or neutral tones, choose comfort over appearance or vice versa, you send a message to the world displaying your own being, and people see you for what you show them.
It is not to say that people's opinions on your personal brand necessarily matter, but it is essential to know that they definitely do exist, and greatly determine who or what you attract.
It is always better to brand yourself in a way that is in alignment with your own beliefs and interests regardless of what the masses think of it. Your libido will always unite you with your unique fulfilling match in terms of life purpose, network circle, or partner. It is ideal to stick to your own path, which usually becomes more clear when you go towards what magnetizes you. When you embody your true being in your appearance exactly the way that pleases you, it eliminates illusions and helps make more authentic connections not because of morality, but because it's more nourishing to do so in the long run and gets you one step closer to your objective, spiritual truth.
What your body says must be listened to very carefully. It gives you small indications for what truly makes you happy, and what is an outer influence invited in by the rational mind. But remember, the truth will always be a one-phrase answer with absolutely no explanation in most cases. Questions like "What is my favorite ice cream?", "Am I comfortable with this?" and "Do I like adventure sports?" will have a short response. The why comes later, or sometimes not at all, and it's completely okay either way. The best way to make choices is to ask yourself for the answers out loud. You must frequently ask yourself questions and try not to rationalize the answers as often as possible, and you will know everything you need to know, with much less stress. Although it is okay to look for an answer as to why you like/dislike something, but you must not continue to do so if it gets too stressful. Often, the reasoning will come to you on your own as time passes, and it's better to wait for it than forcing it and increasing internal panic. It will take quite a bit of faith to have on yourself, but as you follow your own lead, it becomes much more effortless, always directing you to great satisfaction.
Great art does not follow trends, so why measure your personal aesthetic choices according to someone else's will? Creating the best you every morning from scratch is no less than a work of art meant to be admired by many. A person might think it's childish to wear denim overalls at 30 but encourage an older woman to follow her heart when she says she can't wear something she truly wants to because of her age. As much as it's lovely to be an overall ray of sunshine like that, it feels so much better to also do it for ourselves as well.
I truly hope you find more clarity in your endeavors, my loves, and rise to the highest of beauty.
-Sam
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